My Confession

Our preacher talks about how he is constantly asking God to show him the areas in his life that need work, to search out his heart and point out anything that is not pleasing to God. Well, I know I have a ton of things to work on. But I realized this week one of my biggest problems.

I am lazy.

There. I said it. That's my problem.

That's why I hardly ever cook for my family. That's why I hardly ever go outside and play with Sawyer. That's why there is always too much laundry to do. Why the floors always need cleaning. It's why I don't spend more quiet time with God. It's why my nephew Isaiah told me yesterday my toilet was dirty. It's why I don't read the bible everyday. It's why I don't exercise. And why I can't seem to be on time anywhere I go! It's why I write to-do list that don't get done.

I am lazy.

Life is so overwhelming sometimes. And I can find an excuse or a way to justify just about anything, as far as why I'm doing or not doing something.

• Exercise: I'm too tired, I don't have my stamina back yet (and going to the gym takes too much time)
• Cooking for my family: my mother-in-law will cook tonight I bet, let's just go next door and keep them company (no need to waste their leftovers!)
• Reading the bible: well, I'll do it in a little while, or tomorrow (or after I play this one game of Draw Something)
• Playing outside with sawyer: It's just too dag-on hot and I'd probably sweat. (And you know I don't like to sweat)
• The awful diet I eat: it just tastes so good, and I've been through so much, food makes me feel good (and I deserve this 8th Oreo, right!?)

And I realized it's not just a bad habit or a small little problem, it's actually displeasing to God for me to be this way. And instead of just feeling like a failure, in not getting done what I want to get done, I'm going to make a plan, and try and stick to it.

I've got to kick the 'lazy me' to the curb. And trust me, she doesn't want to go anywhere or make too many changes. She is completely content, just hanging out, watching Sawyer run around and be silly (inside, where the A/C is!). She likes playing games on her phone, and doing laundry only every other day, and waiting a week to actually put up the clean laundry, and never making the bed. She likes her mother in laws cookin. She likes sleeping in, waking up with barely enough time to take a shower and throw a poptart in her bag, almost always making it somewhere at the very last minute. She likes oreos. And loves fried food.

But she also wants to be the best mother, wife, friend, daughter, child of God she can be. She loves her family, and Jesus. She wants to be healthy, and live a long life. She wants a closer walk with the Lord. She wants to show others the love of God through her daily life. And to do that, things have to change.

 So here is my new to-do list:

• (Stop with the laziness already Elisha!)
• Start my day off with prayer, even a short one is better than none
• Do my daily devotional
• Read my bible daily
• Stop gossiping
• If I don't have something nice to say....don't say it!
• Work on my attitude, be flexible, be positive
• Stop complaining
• Treat others how I want to be treated
• Spend more quality time with Sawyer (outside if that's what he wants)
• Keep my house in better order
• Get to work, church, doctor appts on time (or early!)
• Take my vitamins everyday
• Exercise 3-5 times a week, a walk is better than nothing!
• Look into joining the Y
• Drink more water and less soda
• Eat more fruits and vegetables- work towards 5 cups a day
• Eat less red meat
• Do more low fat options
• Try Mandi's spinach/apple smoothie- she says its really good, we'll see :)
• Try the green tea my doc recommended
• Spend less money, be more aware of what I'm spending

I've just got to be more diligent. I've got to get some things together. I know I'll never be perfect, none of us will! But If I'm not working on a better me, then what am I doing. I don't always want to be in the same place I'm in now. Emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually. I fully believe with all my heart that God has a plan for my life. I believe he has something great planned for me. I don't want anything holding me back. And I just have this one life to live, so I need to give it my all. I want all the blessings the Lord has in store for me.

This song has been stuck in my head for a few days.
Matthew West
"The Motions"

This might hurt, it's not safe

But I know that I've gotta make a change

I don't care if I break,

At least I'll be feeling something

'Cause just okay is not enough

Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,

"What if I had given everything,

instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time

I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind

Let Your love make me whole

I think I'm finally feeling something

'Cause just okay is not enough

Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,

"What if I had given everything,

instead of going through the motions?"

This is just what's been on my heart for a couple weeks now, and maybe me putting this out there for all to read will make me more accountable. Maybe it will touch someone feeling the same things.

Hope ya'll have a great week!!

Love,

Elisha