A Daughter, Sister, Wife and Mother

I would just like to start off by thanking God, for all His blessings for our family in this difficult time in life.  This roller coaster ride started a little over a year ago; and continues to have its highs and lows. God has been here for me during this entire journey; I just didn't see the signs.   After the initial diagnosis, we were far from serving God in the way we had been taught growing up.  Breast cancer has brought us back to a place where we have peace and comfort knowing He is in control .  We are now serving God in the best way we know how, and giving Him the glory He so much deserves.  I hope everyone will someday be able to walk with God as close, and receive His blessings as I have over the past few weeks.

Because of a daughter that strives to hold her family together through the tough times of breast cancer, and other cancers, that the enemy has brought; I can now see the real importance of family and friends through difficult times.  I realize how hard it is to be a parent; and appreciate what my parents have sacrificed for me and my siblings.  Parenting is tough and no one can really explain how tough.  My father once told me, "Sometimes you just have to roll up your sleeves and dive into things, to truly figure them out and solve the problem".  Little did I know, this advice would be so valuable in raising a child.  Through all of my trials of life, my parents have provided the best opportunities possible.  It took my current situation to truly understand, and appreciate, what they have done and continue to do; support, encourage and love me to the fullest.  Thank you heavenly Father for all You do!  I hope everyone will love, and hold your parents tighter than ever.

Siblings. Wow!  How we fight and fuss one day, and embrace each other the next.  I would like to thank all of our siblings for the support and love shown through each hurdle that comes our way.  My brother and sisters from both sides of our families have stepped up in the most trying time of our lives; and I would like to thank them for doing so.  Without their support, we could have never come this far in our battle.  I thank God for them, and will have a deeper appreciation for my siblings forever.  They have taken care of Sawyer, cleaned our house, brought food, and have just been there for support at all the right times.  I will be holding them tighter for the rest of what I have left in this life.  No one knows when their time will come; and so many times I forget that.  I have prayed that if nothing else, give me appreciation for what time I do have; and enjoy every moment, no matter how small or large. One more thing I have been praying for, is just to give me strength and courage to serve our Maker; and never lose touch with the peace and comfort He provides if we do the best we can to serve Him.  Ask, and you will receive.  I have too many examples at this point for it to be coincidence.  God is good.

Well, if you haven’t guessed, this is not Elisha writing this one. This is her other half.  Notice I didn’t say better.  I just wanted to take the time to show my true appreciation and love for her; and let those who might not already know, see what a wonderful person she is.  She calls me “her person”, and in turn, I have come to realize she is “my person”, and what that really means.  She is someone that has completely changed my life.  She’s a firecracker; but I love it, she keeps me in check. 

Decisions, she makes most of those for our family.  She never lets us down.  Sawyer and I never run out of household items; except for milk on occasion. His clothes are always clean and in order; and if you have children, you know how fast they grow.  It’s amazing how she keeps up with what fits and what doesn’t; and when he needs which clothes.  She’s match crazed like most, and it doesn’t matter if he’s just around family or friends, playing outside or going to church. He’s her only son, and she is determined to be the best Mom she can be.

She loves holidays; and decorates the house accordingly.  Especially Christmas; don’t touch her ornaments; ask Saw if you don’t believe me.  She has been providing insurance for our family, paying almost all the bills working full-time as a nurse.  I didn’t realize how much she does; and all while dealing with all the ups and downs of her situation.  The only time she has taken off work was for the six chemo weeks, and an occasional sick day.  She has been amazing from the start; and the strength and courage she has shown through her cancer has been unbelievable.  November of last year was the first diagnosis; and she has really proved to be the strongest person I have ever known. 

Now, after very strong chemo and radiation, clear scans, and almost getting our life back to normal, she has to go through one of the toughest battles anyone could imagine.  The fear of brain mets has become a reality.  I have taken our life for granted and haven’t shown my true appreciation to my wife and mother of my son. I can only  hope and pray now, that God will heal her with the doctors, nurses, and surgeons.  I pray every day that I can just have more time with Elisha and that she will get to spend time with Sawyer for a long time.  We have been going to church and trying to live the right way for a while now. We still have arguments and fuss like all couples, but I guarantee you this past week has given me a better appreciation of life, and the great wife I have.

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Whole brain radiation therapy started the Wednesday after Christmas; not a bad day, but we were told to go back to the hospital Wednesday night around 8pm because of severe pain, and possible swelling.  Several hours later, after only a CT scan we were told no bleeding.  What? There was a chance of bleeding in her brain?  Wow.  She wasn’t all that freaked out, fairly calm.  Back home around 3am.

Thursday, radiation and home to rest after getting home at 3am and getting up at 7am to take Saw to daycare.  Everything was good, just treating three tumors on back of head, no sweat.  She’s not showing signs of sadness or anger, or anything other than this is her path, and she was not worried.  Her parents cooked for us Thursday night, and all was well, Wednesday was just getting behind on pain meds, we thought, she was afraid of taking too much and not having a clear mind to enjoy life. Thursday we were clear until midnight;

Friday 12:01am severe pain was back; no problem, just part of having radiation to the brain.  Luckily, Sawyer was crying for mommy around 4am.  I got up to give him cough meds because mommy was knelt beside the bed unable to lay flat; throwing up every few minutes, just part of radiation we assumed. She had just had a great day.  I had lain down with Sawyer on the couch, and was settling down to get some sleep.  Elisha was handling things very well considering; nothing she hasn’t been through before.  She gets up a few minutes later, going to the bathroom to make her stand for the night; in awful pain, dry heaving, and still not complaining; just dealing with the situation.  Out of nowhere, I hear some thuds, and knocks on the wall.  I thought she stumbled; tumor location maybe affecting her balance.  Five to six thuds later, I’m going to see what’s up. They kept on going, no calling out, just noises.  I walked into to a full blown seizure, vomit everywhere, and she was on her back convulsing with her mouth full.  Luckily, as I was holding her stiff and convulsing she twisted to the right and her mouth emptied out.  I didn’t know what to do.  It was an image of my wife that I’ll never forget.  I was asking her if I was doing it right, keeping her from harm; and finally she came back, and in her matter of fact way was like “I don’t even know what you’re doing!”.  That’s just her, not hysterical at all, just wanting to know why I was so upset.  Sawyer came in wanting mommy. Elisha was upset, and couldn’t hold him. I called 911, and my mom and dad.  Dad came for Sawyer; while I helped Elisha get up, change her clothes, and sit in a chair to wait on EMS.

 

Believe it or not, she was very calm and wasn’t sure if she wanted to go to ER.  I told her that we’re going, no questions.  She did OK on the ride; but in the ER at the hospital, her pain was unbearable. They had to give meds to slow her heart rate.  Later, she was concerned about how she acted in the ER!    They did many scans, while she had severe pain all day Friday.  Granted, she was on meds; but she didn’t show any concern or worry; just strength and reassurance to the family.  She still had to receive radiation during this pain; it was her only chance. 

 

After a seizure, two mini strokes, a report of more tumors on the front of her head, and possible spinal fluid involvement, I broke down.  The realization of our situation set in. I prayed and cried, and thought I was really going to lose her.  She woke up later Friday night, and apologized for not being there for me. She had heard me crying, and then Elisha calmly said “don’t you think if I were going to die that they might take me to ICU?!”  Well, she had a point; but I’m not a nurse. She has always been there to point out the obvious things.  I realized that after almost seven years, how lost I would be without her.  Friday night was good, I had prayed that God would just give me one more conversation; because there were some questions I needed to ask her. We talked til one or two in the morning. She was confident as ever. 

Early Saturday morning the severe pain was back. She was given a lot of pain medicine, and things leveled out after three or four hours. Saturday was OK. She still had pain, but she still needed radiation.  Radiation was rough and she was still dealing with the pain very well.  She told me to go home Saturday evening and spend some time with Saw and come back Sunday afternoon.  She had a bad night, yet she told the one who was staying with her not to call me, she was still thinking of others. 

I rushed back Sunday, afraid after I found out she was in severe pain again, vomiting, and possibly blacked out while trying to walk with physical therapy.  After the fourth straight day of severe pain and vomiting, never knowing when the pains are coming, you would think she would have been ready to give up.  If it were me, I would have been in restraints by this point from breaking stuff and throwing fits from the pain.  You know it’s bad, when after multiple IV sticks, that aren’t working; she doesn’t flinch. It doesn’t seem to bother her at all. But her eyes squint and her face grimaces when the headaches come time after time.  The strength she has shown is unbelievable, I didn’t know how strong willed she could be.  There were times that she didn’t get even one hour of sleep without pain interruption.  Sunday night was bad.

By the time she had radiation on Monday morning; it was almost unbearable.  At noon, the doctor confirmed the cancer was in her spinal fluid. They started changing treatments. That was the last radiation for awhile.  They did a lumbar puncture at 4:30 to inject chemo to hopefully start killing the cancer cells on the meninges (covering of the brain).   Meningeal areas are very sensitive, and itdoesn’t take much to cause severe pain with this kind of involvement, and the radiation not taking care of the cancer cells on the covering of the brain.  Lumbar puncture Monday, will start a 2x week chemo injection and hopefully give us hope. The last option, but can’t get to the next step of reservoir insertion into the brain because there’s two blood clots in her hand that have to dissolve.

Cancer doesn’t usually grow this fast; supposedly,  you can have tumors in the brain for years without  significant pain.   Must be cancer cells on covering of the brain.  Lumbar puncture,  told that best case scenario was to maybe see results from spinal chemo injection anywhere from 24 hours up to a week, pain will continue until then.  Praying every moment I can, Elisha was in and out, she was very aware of everything going on, but still no signs of breaking down.  She had the Lumbar puncture and the doctors realized that there was a lot of fluid build up.  Her body was making more fluid than usual to compensate for seven tumors throughout her brain to fight cancer. 

Instant relief, praise God, a break, she was ready to run down the hall she felt so good, zero pain, but had to lay flat so spinal fluid injection site wouldn’t bleed.  “We got something here”,  I thought.  Monday night was happy, happy, happy! Then late night the pressure starting building again, severe pains back, up pain meds,she’s maintaining as she had done the whole time.

Tuesday early A.M. pumping pain killer at levels not normal, still no solid sleep, being strong, never giving in, she’s was so tough.  Tuesday morning was really bad,the pain leveled out in the afternoon,  She told me she wants me to again go spend some time with Sawyer. I went home to see Sawyer, she’s got this under control, I'll be back at Five thirty pm.  I got text from Karen, bad pains, vomiting, I cut visit short.  Phone call, I was told  Elisha was not doing good, three severe episodes since I left.  I got back quickly, people were  crying, Elisha’s severe pain had come back.,the  pain leveled out that evening.  Pastor John comes by and we sit and talk w Kevin, Amanda, and strongest woman I’ve ever met, my wife.  In  Five days, she had not had much relief,  the windows of relief were getting shorter at night when the pain came back, I stayed up til five a.m., thinking the whole time about heart failure, meds are at very high doses, I might lose her.

Wednesday I woke up at seven to a grimacing Elisha throwing up.  Got behind on meds in two hours, has had pain pump entire visit, nothing seems to help now.  Can’t touch her, can’t talk to her, pressure still building, Wednesday started and ended bad,  Doctors went up on amount of med intake, to levels unreal to me.  She wasn’t eating, hadn’t kept anything down in six days. The clots in her hand were finally going down, had Ct scan, was told she would be having surgery in the morning to insert reservoir in her head to pump chemo onto the covering of the brain.  When she was alert, she was very alert, and the calm she showed kept me calm.  She has always been strong, but this peace was from somewhere else. She received more heavy doses of pain meds Wednesday until late night. Her pain went down Wednesday night, she got some rest. 

Thursday, she got up at 5am feeling good,  she was better than she had been in awhile.  Elisha was having a minor BRAIN SURGERY(nothing minor about it in my mind) in two hours,  I realized that my wife has not wavered yet, even going into brain surgery very aware of what was about to happen she only wanted to talk calmly and finally wanted to pray before going down.  I was stressed out, sleep deprived, and she’s was still cool, just unbelievable.  Surgery went as planned, she had severe pain up until 7pm ,  it was around 11pm when she asked for Nachos Bellgrande!  I can handle that I said! Thank you God.  Hopefully on the down hill part, it has been another wild ride, God has been present and continues to be, God is good.

Friday was really bad, she had severe pain all day, she stayed strong through it all once again and delt with the pain as usual.  Her doctor couldn’t have came by at a better time that afternoon.  Some of the family including myself started having doubts, we thought by 2pm Friday we would see her somewhat pain free.  She was still fighting and holding up very well. She has held us all up with her courage and strength in a time she needed to just rest and heal, she’s a fighter and nothing will break her will.  She had a major turn around Friday evening. As we know regular hospital rooms are small, but they get smaller when there’s four bags of meds running at all times to be changed out, she didn’t want a foley catheter any longer than she had too, wanted to get up and move around. She knows that’s her only chance to go home quickly is to exercise now and get better. She moved to Cancer center Late Friday night, and finally was able to sleep some and she didn’t wake up in a lot of pain.  Saturday has been good so far.  She’s eating, bossing me around, telling me I’m going home to rest and play with Sawyer. If everything goes well she’ll be home soon.

I wrote this to let everyone know that through this whole journey Elisha’s faith is still strong, her will is stronger than ever, and I want everyone to know they are praying and hoping for one of the greatest people I have ever known, it just took awhile for me to realize how great.  She has been so strong, and continues to joke everyday and set me straight daily!   My prayer now is please let the chemo take the cancer cells from the covering and spinal fluid, so that we can get back to radiation to shrink the tumors. 

My faith is stronger than ever, we are abnormally peaceful, and God is present. 


Whatever happens in the near future whether it be months or years, I just hope I get a chance to show her how much I love her and appreciate everything she has and continues to do.  I didn’t realize how much I took her for granted.  My eyes really sarted to open Friday morning when I was ask all these personal questions about her because she could not respond, the one that got me was “does she have any tattoos?”, yes, she does on her left shoulder blade. The eye opener was later, I wasn’t sure which side it was on and I guessed, I had been  wrong, right shoulder blade.  Then on one of her fair nights I went to convenient store late,  I wanted to get her some snacks, she was hungry before the meds put her out.  I know she likes bottled water and chocolate, but she can’t have to much sugar this night for some reason, and so I went up and down the aisles lookin for something she would like, I found a bag of white cheddar cheese chez its, that was it, now that’s sad.   It has taken this bout with brain mets to realize I should have cherished her more before now.  This week has been a journey, lots of praying, and understanding the value of each day, each moment.  I just pray for the chance to really  spend some quality time with her and Sawyer.  She’s has been strong and held us all up, she always will.

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I would like to also thank everyone who has called, text, sent cards, money, and prayers.  Keep the prayers coming.  It all means so much to Elisha and I.  Pray for our son, Pray that his mommy can come home soon. A special thank you to our dear sweet friends, family and siblings, Thank you Pastor John and wife Joyce for all the conversations and guiding us through the storm of the last year. Thank you T. Sullins and R. M., for the gifts you  have sent. They have already made a difference.  I would also like to thank everyone on the seventh floor of High Point Regional for their kindness and care for my wife the past eight days. Dr. Williford you have provided a lot of peace and for that I’m very thankful.  Nurses Kellie and Pam, two women who went above and behind taking care of Elisha, along with many others.  Thank you to the staff at Thomasville Medical Center, especially all her friends on the Fifth floor, the visits meant so much even to Elisha.  Thank you Debbi,Sheila, and Zelda at Sawyer's daycare for everything, the jumbo card with all his classmates is awesome.  This will be my one and only blog, Elisha will be writing the next one very soon with a lot more to come.  Thank you God for your presence in our lives.